First I would like to apologize to anyone who takes the following as the angsty rantings of a troubled teenager. It is. Live with it.

Well. I'm at a crossroads... And I just don't know what to do. Do I keep going, keeping up a facade while inside there is naught but turmoil? I don't know how much longer I can keep what I have with Julie going if it stays the status quo... Do I hold out and hope it gets better? Do I cut and run now? What happens when it does get better? what happens when it doesn't?

Is it that strange that as a dude I want a relationship not just sex? I just want... Hell who am I kidding I don't know what exactly I want I just know that this isn't it.

Most days I don't even feel like i've been in a relationship for the past seven months. I just sit there, letting my mind think it's dirty thoughts, but as soon as i'm with her, everything is sunshine and daisies. But I see her... what once every week if everything works out great? I call her on the phone, and within a half an hour the silence becomes so common and uncomfortable that I counted myself using the phrase "So how 'bout them corn chips?" four times. Four times. When she calls, I swear in my head about all the other crap I could be doing. When should your other-half calling be a nuisance? What the hell is that?

Obviously part of me still feels something for the girl or this wouldn't drive me quite as crazy. Because when I stop and think, really look at the situation, I see no reason why we even are together... We are almost polar opposites; She's basically a prep, I'm a slacker. We have no shared tastes in anything. Who-ever said opposites attract may have been right, but he sorta missed the part about where it was only a temporary attraction. The easiest way to sum it all up is also the most hurtful way. It's not her, it's me. I've grown bored of her. What the hell kind of human being says that kind of thing?

Oh. And top of all that, today I found out my mom has MS.

Go me.